The past few weeks have been increasingly stressful for me. I could feel the waves of depression continuously washing over me and then remaining like pools of stagnant water. I reached a point early this week where I knew I wasn’t going to make it much longer in this state, but I just couldn’t afford to lose all of the gains I’d made. So I took so big and some small steps.
First, I ended (for real, for real ended this time) a long term relationship that I was no longer content in. He wasn’t able to give me what I needed in a partner anymore, and I wasn’t able to give him what he needed either. It ended amicably, which is way more than I could have hoped for and took a weight off my shoulders. Despite my fear of being “forever alone”, I still did what needed to be done so I could concentrate on getting myself healthy.
Next, I took some advice from The Friendzone Podcast. @HeyFranHey always talks about salt baths to clear negative energy, so I decided to give it a shot. I ran a hot bath, poured in some Epsom salt and added a few drops of Young Living lavender essential oil I won at BlogHer16, lit a positive energy candle, and turned on my meditation app. I sat in the bath and followed the guided meditation all the way through, and then remained in the tub for a few extra minutes. I tried not thinking about anything, which is a lot harder than it sounds, and just tried to be in the moment. (Yes that’s a skill from all the dang mindfulness therapy sessions I’ve tried and hated) Instead of getting out and then draining the water, I took the advice of @MysticxLipstick and remained in the tub as the water drained, envisioning the negative energy I’d been feeling going down the drain. I followed up with my regular nighttime routine, feeling some relief but nothing groundbreaking.
But the next day! The next day I felt reenergized and content. I felt hopeful. This was something that I can’t ever remember happening. I’ve tried meditation alone and only felt moderate changes. I’ve taken hot baths and only had some stress relief. I’ve tried just using essential oils in a diffuser and been underwhelmed. But putting everything together produced a result that completely caught me off guard.
I’m a pessimist by nature and a skeptic at heart. I’ve never put much stock in “alternative” practices because there just isn’t enough research to back it up and positive results can be attributed to a million other variables. But desperate times call for desperate measures. The way I feel now is reason enough for me to keep trying new ways of self-care. Because, quite frankly, “the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.” Word to Samuel L. Jackson lol.