After years and years of either overworking myself or not doing enough, I’m realizing just how important finding balance is. This isn’t to say that I have finally found that space, I’m just actively working to get there. I’m expressing my boundaries to people and utilizing the word “no” with others and myself.
Not overworking myself or stretching myself too thin is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. It stems from not wanting my mental illness to define me or limit me, and proving others wrong. I wanted to prove to the naysayers that what they said I couldn’t do, I really could. From the teachers and doctors that said going to college wasn’t an option for me. To the family that said holding down a full-time job in a corporate setting wasn’t something I could or should do.
Finishing college in the traditional 4-year time frame was certainly something that wasn’t in the cards for me. It actually took me eight years to earn my BA. I transferred schools, changed majors, and took semesters off. This was all pivotal in how and why I started to understand the importance of having balance. You get hospitalized enough times for suicidal ideations and attempts because there is too much on your plate and you feel like your failing at all of it. You learn.
This website is actually a practice in me finding my balance. Yes, it requires me to do more work, but it is work that I enjoy. I enjoy writing and sharing my feelings. I enjoy makeup and all things related to beauty. I enjoy engaging with new people to discuss all of the above. Yes, I also enjoy my 9-5 day job, but it doesn’t give me the same satisfaction. This exercise in balance is also an example of self-care.
I’m working every day to balance the scales of what I want to do and what I have to do. There are days where I still get overwhelmed and want to shut down. And sometimes I do. But I keep getting back to a place harmony, eventually.
Doing what you love in addition to what you have to is where you find balance. What you love doesn’t have to be costly, extravagant, or ingenious. It just has to bring you peace and fulfillment. The more you do what you love, the more you start to understand who you are. Finding balance is really finding yourself.