I am 3 days away from my solo trip to Phuket, Thailand and my anxiety is at peak “WTF!”
I’ve been having nightmares about realizing I forgot something at home as the airplane doors close and I’ve been getting, at max, 5 hours of severely interrupted sleep per night. My chest hurts, my back hurts, and I want to cry all the time. This either proves that I really need this trip or I shouldn’t go. But everything is paid for and I’ve been talking about it too much to just not go. So how am I coping?
Well for one I started packing earlier this week. Organizing a suitcase, strangely enough, helps soothe my anxiety. I overpack then go through my clothes and take out what I don’t actually need little by little. This also ensures I am less likely to forget things I really need. I’ve always been anal retentive in my organizational needs since I was a child and my play kitchen was always put together with military precision. So it’s just carried over into my adulthood.
Next, I made lists. Lists of last minute items I need to buy. Lists of what bills need to be paid before I go away. Lists of who needs to know what at work in order to cover for me. Just lists, on lists, on lists.
Up until this snownado I was working out too. Because I’d rather climb the walls at the gym than at my house. But for the past 2 days, I have been pacing in my apartment basking in the aromatherapy candles I picked up at the Bath & Body Works Semi-Annual sale. Trying to binge watch reality shows and cartoons, but this whole ADHD thing isn’t helping.
I’ve also taken to printing out hard copies of all my trip details. From my hotel reservation to my travel insurance plan, basically the whole itinerary. Yes, I’m wasting paper but *emoji shrug*
My coping mechanisms plus sporadic usage of my anti-anxiety meds are just barely keeping me afloat at the moment. I am currently just holding out hope that generous amounts of sun and warm weather will be what keeps me from completely combusting. So that’s how I’m doing. How are you?